Unrequited Love v Lust!

What is Unrequited Love?

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts.“

—  William Shakespeare

Or, is it simply, we all want what we can’t have?

I’ve so many questions about love and the idea of a falling for someone?

How do we score on an uneven, and sometimes, dangerous playing field falling all over the place?

The romance of it all is tragically alluring, like Romeo and Juliet, all’s not well and can end badly for many. Don’t get me wrong, I know lots of people who live in a love cocoon of sheer bliss and contentment – and I’m very happy for them. Others pretend to make it work while feeling lost and miserable, trundling onwards aboard a horse and carriage till slow death and brass adorned chest of walnut – do them part.

The trouble for me is; I’m attracted to a ‘type’ – the handsome, funny, cheery, disarming and clever chap who can charm the lingerie off in one fell swoop, who operate on their terms. He’s the guy you respect for being open and honest. He’s the type who reveres ‘the wife’ as a goddess and also has respect for sex workers because they provide a ‘valuable’ service and work hard at it. Trouble is I didn’t fit into either category and found myself in a no-mans land with no hope or glory but, intent on having fun.

So, I committed myself to the casualness of this liaison with a view to having fun and games. It was like a marathon, when you go through the motions till the inevitable end but my timing was off. It took me a while, far too long in fact, to realise this kind of jest, with no winner, is also no fun, even when it is?   My choice to be monogamous and loyal to an arrangement so far removed from any specific ‘status’, was confusing and inexplicably out of character.

I stuck by the rules of engagement and was fine with the arrangement and had so much fun in this completely new and liberating experience until there was the offer of reward!

After two years the game was over in one fell sentence…

“I was going to bring you flowers but…blah blah blah!”

I thought my head was going to explode!

After two years – Hearts and Flowers had never been part of the game and had no place in the rules and I felt confused and suddenly I questioned my integrity, my pride, my reputation, and how I’d given myself to someone who valued me less than a bunch of dead blooms; less than a girl on the game. There were only two things he could have done to stay in play – Brought the flowers – or shut the fuck up!

Trouble is, the hurt I felt made me realise I’d slowly fallen in love and was on very dangerous ground and that was it!

The End – Game over with no winner!

In this game of love we are stacked against each other, like a pack of cards – gaining numbers and points as we go, falling like dominos, hoping to Ace with a Queen or King of hearts.

By today’s standards my score is unashamedly low but I’ve decided my number is acceptable and won’t increase. I had my one, true, love and then an unexpected flourish for someone I should never have dealt a hand with but, we can’t help who we have feelings for. He held my heart for a very short time and I took it back, bruised but not broken. This was my fault. No one else can be held responsible for our feelings!

If you score a bullseye then I’m happy for you and I do believe it’s important to participate in the game of love – enjoy the process even if you don’t get a medal or bouquet at the finish line. You can’t anticipate who the winners will be but it’s important to learn from your losses and recognise where you went wrong for the next round if you decide to have a re-match.

For myself, I played a very dangerous game and was lucky to get to the finish line without being crushed but I was in danger having lost part of me to someone who valued me less than a ‘girl on the game’!

I’ve made my last move and my endgame is to be alone, but not lonely, single, but not available, and I’m fine with that!

In the end we get what we deserve!

Be careful out there!

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#rosesandthorns #pricksandflowers #loveandflowers