“Hello!”
Have you ever had a breakdown?
Imagine if it was your job to listen to head cases like me all day.
I’ve been with me all day, every day, for fifty-two years and it is exhausting. Some days I want to get away and there is nowhere to turn. Everywhere I go, there I am. If you happen to have me thrust upon you, with no way out, then I can assure you it’s highly likely you might try to kill yourself.
Tam was my psychiatrist and there were times, after one of my visits, that I was seriously worried about his mental health and the effect I was having on him. The first time I met him he seemed quite stable.
“Good morning, my name is Tam Mullaney and I’m here to evaluate you this morning. I’ll ask you some questions and if you could try to answer, as honestly as possible, that would be grand. If at any point you want to stop, just interrupt me and let me know. How does that sound?”
How fabulous, as soon as he starts talking bullshit I’ll pull the plug on what seemed like a complete waste of time and energy; bit like myself actually. He seems quite pleasant with a hint of an Irish accent and a ready smile. He’s wearing cord trousers and a nice check shirt with the top button open, showing a cluster of ginger, chest hair. The trainers are a tell-tale sign that he’s a potential bolter. He’s not a real doctor you see because that’s not what I need. He’ll probably need to high tail it out of here when I’m finished with him. Bet he’s thinking;
“Here we go again, she’ll either:
One: Pretend to be OK and try to weigh up what’s the best answer so she doesn’t get sectioned, but still hold on to her benefits.
Or two: Conjure up insanity but just save herself from incarceration in order to get bloody disability and it’s my fucking job to decide if she is worth her weight in my tax contributions. OK, let’s get started.”
MM The Celebrant 